Coming Back
by christmas elf michelle
Summary: Kutner attempts suicide. Does Amber convince him to go back?


Disclaimer: I own nothing, nada, zip, zilch, Zero

Coming Back

He opened his eyes. It looked like he was in his living room in his apartment, but it was in black and white. It wasn't actually a room, though. It was more like a space. It was nothing. But there he stood. He saw his dead body in his bedroom.

"Lawrence Kutner?"

He looked around. A familiar woman was walking towards him. She looked so perfect, but also seemed so broken, like a fallen angel. A mad angel. A very, very mad angel! Wait…Amber? The woman walked right up to him and slapped him. He flinched but did not feel her ghostly hand hit against his face.

"I can't believe you would do this. How could you? You had a nice job, family, friends, and people who cared about you! You just threw that all away." The Amber angel still looked furious, waiting for an explanation.

"You're wrong. No one cared about me. My life sucks…um, sucked."

"That's not true. Even if it were, you said that you would never do that. You said that when life sucks at the beginning, you have nowhere to go but up.

"How did you know I said that?"

"I've been watching everyone. Just call me your guardian angel." She sat down next to him "Now, what do you mean no one cared about you?"

"I have no friends – "

"But Taub – "

"Said that we are coworkers, nothing more. You should know that, guardian angel." Kutner said sarcastically. "Ever since my parents died, it was hard for me."

"Obviously."

I didn't want to have friends. I pushed people away. My time was spent making things explode. I was a bully in high school. When I was in college, I tried to make friends, but it didn't seem right. I feel lonelier when I'm with people, because I know they aren't real friends. But I…can't be lonely anymore." Kutner sat down.

Amber shook her head and sat down next to him. "You always seemed so happy, so confident and sure of yourself. It was all a lie?"

Kutner nodded "I am surprised though. House always thinks that happiness is a symptom. But he didn't see it in me."

"He just didn't want to see it." said Amber "You're just like him. The ways you both practice medicine and bend the rules and you never seem to get in trouble for it. Anyone else would've gotten fired for setting a patient on fire and most doctors would consider you a nutcase for using a defibrillator on a wet patient. You knew it was dangerous!"

"Maybe that's the problem." Kutner mused.

Amber crossed her arms. "That you never got in trouble or that you knew it was dangerous?"

"That I'm too much like House. I didn't want to be alone forever. I didn't want to live in pain and put other people in pain because of their happiness. I also didn't want to tell people that I was unhappy. I don't like to worry people."

"That would never have happened. House has been miserable his entire life! You're like a happy version of House, House on happy pills. You two are not the same person and you never will be."

Kutner took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He obviously didn't realize that he didn't need to breathe any more.

"You've been _Harry Potter_ way too long."

"Excuse me?" Kutner's eyes shot open and he stared at Amber.

"Harry Potter always has to be the hero. He has to look after everyone else and put himself last. But you know what? Harry Potter is only a character, and you need to do something for yourself instead of worrying about everyone else."

Although he didn't quite agree with what she said, some things were true. Wait a minute…

"What do you mean I need to do something for myself? Isn't it a little late for that?"

Amber smiled and looked at Kutner's dead body.

"Aren't I dead?" He asked

"Not yet." She said mysteriously. "You need to go back. I can't let you die."

"But I can't go back. There's no pain here."

"Didn't you wonder why we're talking in your living room? I can't – won't – let you throw your life away. You're not supposed to die. You are an amazing doctor who will never end up a jerk like House. Lots of wonderful things can happen. And you need to go do them."

"But…I want…"

"You can't always get what you want.

The look on Amber's face let him know that she was serious, and he wasn't going to get out of life this easily. He sighed and stood up.

"Tell Wilson I miss him and I'm waiting for him"

Kutner nodded and walked towards his body. He touched it, got sucked in it, and felt immense pain.

_One Week Later_

Lawrence Kutner opened his eyes. He saw his friends standing over him. There was Thirteen, Foreman, Taub, Cuddy, Cameron, Chase, Wilson, and even House. Most of them had tears in their eyes, except for House and Taub. House looked quizzical, while it was hard to tell if Taub was relieved or pissed off.

Lawrence Kutner was going to have a lot of explaining to do.

He looked to his left. Sitting on a chair, perfectly still, staring at him with a soft smile was Amber.

End?

So what do you think? Should I go on?


End file.
